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My GOD is AWESOME!
For the last week I have been playing this song nonstop! Kierra (KiKi) Sheard is such an awesome worshiper and when I hear this song or sing it unto GOD I find myself in tears because HE is truly AWESOME! I am so thankful that HE loves me despite my mess and my circumstances.
2 Corinthians 9:14 And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you.
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
SPEAK OUT!
Last month I took a course to be a Sexual Assault Response Coordinator for the military and next month I will be recognized as a SARC nationally. This cause is something near and dear to me because I was sexually harassed by a family friend as a teenager and some of my family members were sexually assaulted growing up.
In the United States, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime and nearly 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced other forms of sexual violence at some point in their lives. Of course the statistics are not 100% accurate because many victims do not tell the police, family, or friends about the violence. Sexual violence is any sexual activity where consent is not freely given. This includes completed or attempted sex acts that are against the victim's will or involve a victim who is unable to consent. Sexual Violence can consist of physical, verbal, and/or nonverbal abuse.
After living with being sexually assaulted for more than 30yrs my Aunt Cathy finally decide to SPEAK UP about her abuse. This is her story.....
When my niece contacted me about her plans to write about sexual abuse on her blog I thought it was a great idea. I told her to make sure she mentions how important it is to tell when you are abused. She then asked me if I would tell my story. Three years ago I would have denied ever being sexual abused.
Thank God that today I am able to tell my story and not feel shamed or as if it was my fault. I lived with being sexual abused for over 30 years before I ever mentioned it to anyone. I actually had plans to take it to my grave.
When I was 12 years old I was molested and raped by my mother’s boyfriend. Yea that’s right! Someone I trusted. At first it started out with him coming into my room and stand over me while I was asleep. He would open the bathroom door when I was using the bathroom or taking a bath. He would walk up behind me and stand very close to me to the point where I could smell alcohol on his breath.
He would do these things when my mother wasn’t at home. My mom worked 2nd shift, so he would use the excuse of checking on us. His attacks began to progress even more. One night as I was lying on the chair asleep, I woke up to find him touching my vagina with one of his hand while touching himself with the other hand.
I jumped up, cursed him out and told him I was going to tell my mom. Of course, he told me the usual spill that she was not going to believe me. She would blame me, and it was entirely my fault.
I was 12 years old. I believed him and besides my mother was very strict and MEAN…. After that I would stay my distant. When he came to the house I would leave. If I could not leave I would make sure I was never in the house alone with him. For a while I was safe. A few months later I was in the house watching TV and he came over. When he came in I got up to leave. He blocked the door and would not let me out. I tried to push pass him. To make a long story short he over powered me and raped me.
That destroyed me. Not only did he take my virginity, he changed my life forever. My attitude changed. I became angry. I was mean. I began to smoke marijuana and drink to ease the pain. I felt like it was my entire fault. I couldn’t tell anyone.
The relationship with my mother took a 360-degree turn. I felt like she didn’t protect me. I blamed her because she brought him into my life. Being sexual abuse affects you in many ways. I started using guys for my pleasure. I didn’t trust anyone and I didn’t care what anyone had to say. I did exactly what I wanted to do.
For over 30 years I was on a road of self-destruction and the sad thing about it I didn’t even know it. But thank God for healing. I have forgiven my mother and I know that she did not know anything about it. I love my mother. I have even forgiven the man that raped me.
Over the years I’ve had real trust issues in every relationship I was ever in. They always ended the same way. I can honestly say that because I did not deal with the abuse in my first marriage it ended in divorce. I still have a long way to go. I know that God is going to see me through.
I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I walk with my head held high and I encourage everyone to tell someone if it has happened to you. I don’t care when it happened, it is never too late to tell.
Women with children…. Watch your child, if their attitude changes, if they go from sweet to a hell raiser PLEASE! PLEASE! Talk to them. Let your child know that no matter what; they can come to you about anything.
I am telling my story in hope that it helps someone and it also helps me to tell it.
A’keta I love you… Keep letting GOD use you.
As we promote awareness of Sexual Assault through this month I ask everyone to please STAND UP and TAKE ACTION! If you have been assaulted please SPEAK UP and contact someone for help by dialing 1.800.656.HOPE!
Psalm 30:2 O Lord my GOD, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
Power in the name JESUS
Yesterday when I walked into Church the choir was singing "Break Every Chain" and is was like a sense of peacefulness came over me. I could feel my giants falling down at the sound of JESUS name...I could feel my chains being broken at the sound of JESUS name.
I just wanted to encourage you today that what ever your situation is nothing is to big for GOD! Cry out to HIM today!
Philippians2:10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
Blessings
GOD is a Healer
Last week I was daydreaming about taking vacation(much needed) when I ran across a few pictures that I had taken while visiting Istanbul, Turkey.
In the spirit the pictures illustrated what GOD will do for you if you give your life completely to HIM and ask HIM to heal you from your fears, insecurities, bitterness, discontentment, past hurts, illnesses, griefs, addictions, and other issues you may have. I am so happy that GOD is in the restoration business and HE will heal you from the inside out! Hallelujah
Psalm 147:3 HE heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.
Jeremiah 30:17 I will give you back your health and heal your wounds,” says the LORD. “For you are called an outcast—‘Jerusalem for whom no one cares.’”
Psalms 23:3 HE renews my strength. HE guides me along right paths, bringing honor to HIS name.
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
Falling in LOVE with JESUS
This week a few of my friends and I have talked about "How do you know when you are in "LOVE"? If I was asked this same question earlier last year I would have defiantly answered in the flesh. Now at this very moment I know what LOVE feels like because for the past year GOD has been showing me how much HE LOVES me. I know that HE has always LOVED me even before my mother birthed me HE LOVED A'Keta Julinate' but in May of last year I was finally in a place that HE could have an intimate relationship with me. To some this may sound strange but for the past year I have felt like GOD has been pursuing me. HE wants all of my time and my thoughts. HE wants to show me what true friendship and LOVE is. Everyday I wake up and focus on HIM and every night before I go to bed I cry out to HIM! HE woos me and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. HE tells me I am beautiful and makes me feel special. HE continues to deliver me from my past hurts and pains. HE even wipes my tears and comforts me when I am hurting. HE is a good friend by always telling me when I am wrong but never judging me. HE introduces me to some of his friends who HE thinks would be a perfect fit for me and would LOVE me just because! HE encourages me and gives me a voice to spread HIS LOVE. I am in awe of how my much GOD LOVES me! I have always known GOD and I have always LOVED HIM but today I am in LOVE with HIM! I am in LOVE with HIM because HE is the LORD thy GOD! I have Fallen in LOVE with JESUS and it is the BEST thing I have ever done!
Scriptures to meditate on:
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
Season of Lent
I woke up this morning so excited that Lent Season starts today! Lent is a time when many Christians prepare for Easter by observing a period of fasting, repentance, moderation and spiritual discipline. The purpose of Lent is to set aside time for reflection on JESUS-HIS suffering, HIS sacrifice, HIS life, death, burial and resurrection.
(Exodus 24:18). Elijah, after he was fed with bread from heaven, journeyed through the wilderness without any food for 40 days to the mountain of God (1 King 19:8).
As you are deciding what you are going to fast from for the next 40 days remember that you are offering up a gift of sacrifice unto GOD. Ask yourself if the gift that you offering to GOD is going to be pleasing to HIM. GOD is looking for a spiritual sacrifice during this time and on 7 April HE wants you to be spiritually stronger than you were today when you started Lent Season.
When I think about all that GOD has sacrificed for me I am excited about this season of fasting and prayer as it leads up to Resurrection Sunday.
Scriptures to meditate on:
The Blood
I spent the first Friday of December 2012 at JOY night here in Kuwait. As we got ready for communion (we have communion on the first Friday and Sunday of each month) the choir started singing "The Blood". Each time the choir said the blood it was as if I could feel GOD wrapping HIS arm around me and HIM whispering HIS love for me. I was done....I went to bed singing the song that night and every day since then I have been listening to the song as I get dressed in the morning. Each day it is as if I am hearing it for the first time. It still wrecks me!
A few days later I was reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris and came across a story that reminded me so much of the emotions I felt on that first Friday. Please take a few minutes and read the excerpt below from the book:
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.” The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. “No!” I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.” I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
The excerpt brings John 19:30 into realization. It is finished...
As we finish the first week of 2013 please believe that Jesus is real, please believe that HE died for our sins, please believe that HE loves us (me and you...you and me), please believe that in 2013 we need to command our flesh daily, please believe that we need to put on the FULL armor of GOD daily, please believe that we need to submit to HIS word and last but not least please believe that we should LOVE HIM!
As for me...I am THANKFUL for the BLOOD!
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
Desolate State
I have lived in the desert sands of Iraq and Kuwait since 2009 but I have never felt as if I was in a desolate state until about two month ago. After my Single Single Life post I was so excited about the next season GOD had for me. I knew that the enemy was not happy that I had decided to give GOD my ENTIRE life so I spent more time with GOD and HIS word daily. I was thirsty for HIM and knew that I needed to study the scriptures on guarding my heart. During this time I was taking a much needed trip to Dubai and decided that I would study "Putting On the Full Armor of GOD" during that time. Well yea that never happened......Dubai was great and I spent time with GOD daily but I didn't study like I wanted to. A few weeks after being back in Kuwait I was crying every day......I was lonely and miserable. I felt like I had nothing to give anyone and the next emotion that came was anger! I became mad with GOD that I was alone......I blamed HIM that I was single. I was mad that HE chose me for this celibate life. I felt that if I wasn't celibate I would be in a relationship, I would not be alone, I would not be sad. I quickly knew that these emotions were not of GOD and I became tired of the on and off again crying spells so I turned back to the WORD because I find it to always be true. I studied scriptures on being chosen and I read 2 Peter 1:9 and other scriptures that encouraged me and helped me to gain focus back to who I am in CHRIST!
Today I am still single and alone BUT I am working hard everyday not to feel lonely. Let me tell you it is hard but I know that GOD chose me for this journey for a reason. Last week I was reminded about the scripture 1 Corinthians 7:34-35. So I have been getting back to the things GOD has called me to do. Everyday I am having to rebuke the spirit of loneliness and guard my emotions. I have to even guard my emotions around my male friends or coworkers because I am in a sensitive place. I don't want to form an emotional relationship with someone because I am lonely. I find that it can be dangerous so I make a conscious decision to keep my conversations to a minimum.Now I busy myself with things of GOD and seeking out the plans HE has for my life. I know that this season is only preparing me for the next season. It is my prayer that I come out of this season stronger and wiser. I pray that I learn from it and don't make the same mistakes again. AMEN!
Ohh......I finally studied Putting on the Full Armor of GOD and HE reminded me that during an attack of the enemy that I am to stand firm on HIS word that I am to know the word so I can speak it against my enemy. GOD says when the enemy comes to get in a fighting position like a boxer and fight the enemy with the WORD of GOD. He reminded me to gird up my loins...my GOD my GOD! When the enemy comes I am to stand.... not sit.... not bow out.... but stand....with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, my footgear to spread the gospel, my shield of faith, my helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Holy Spirit (the word of GOD).
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
I Smile
Whew.... the last couple of weeks has been rough for me. I have been feeling alone and a desolate place but a few days ago I woke singing Kirk Franklin's "I Smile" and I knew that it was GOD's way of letting me know that everything was going to be okay. Today I continue to smile and trust GOD through this season.
1 Peter 2:9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, GOD’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of GOD, for HE called you out of the darkness into HIS wonderful light.
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
Happy Birthday Mama!
Today I celebrate an Awesome Woman of GOD, A Mother, A Minister, and A Friend to many. Today is my mom's (mumbles age) bday!
I am always thankful for the relationship I have with my mom. When I woke up this morning I was reminded of the relationship we have had over the years. No we have not always been close and yes we have had our knock down drag out I am never talking to you again fights but one thing she has always said was I am always your mother and I will always love you with the love of GOD and she has done that very thing.
Growing up I was always close to my grandmother. We shared a special relationship and whenever I had an issue I went to my Ma she always made everything better. We talked daily sometimes multiple times a day. After my grandmother passed I had a conversation with my mom about my grandmothers death and how everyone was dealing with it. My mom said "Even though you were close to your grandmother and will miss her dearly you still have a mother...I am still your mother but my siblings and I we know longer have a mother."
That conversation really made me think. Yes I would miss my grandmother (my eyes are tearing up even writing this) but I still have a mother who loves me. Today I talk to my mom daily either through email or on the phone. I am thankful for the relationship that we have today and I know that everything comes on GOD's appointed time.
At this appointed time I am thankful that my mom is not only my mother I am thankful that she is my minister. She ministers to me on a daily basis. She not only speaks life into me she tells me about myself when I am wrong. My mom has never been one to bite her tongue so I love how she does not sugar coat things for me. She does not pacify me and holds me accountable. She prays for me daily and intercedes on my behalf and because she is so connected to me she knows when I am sad and going through something. She praises me when I do well and tells me she loves me ALL the time. She covers me!
My mom isn't just my minister and protector she is also the same with my brother and sisters (to include my sister n law). She gives each of us what we need and never seems depleted. I am thankful that is a child of the Most High and is able to get restored daily because my siblings and I are a handful (LOL).
So today I celebrate this Awesome Woman of GOD, A Mother, A Minister, and A Friend to many! I love you Mama!
Blessings
A'Keta Julinate'
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