July 20, 2012

Disobedience

Around this time last year I was in such a good place with GOD. I had made a decision to have an intimate relationship with GOD and allowed HIM to pour into my spirit. I gave HIM my time and HE became a priority in my life.

Fast-forward to February this year. I met a gentlemen that I felt was a good match for me. I explained to him that GOD was number ONE in my life and that I spent time with HIM first. He said he understood that GOD was the head of my life and for the first few weeks I continued to spend time with GOD first and then hang out with the guy I was dating second. As time went on I felt like I was stretching myself then. After working all day I didn’t have time for much else so....I only spent time with GOD in the mornings and my nightly run with GOD went out the door.

A few times during my morning worship with GOD I could tell I was not focused and that my heart and mind was not completely there. Those times were mostly when my personal relationship was not right. Throughout the relationship GOD would show me that I was disobedient by sending me to a scripture that would convict me but I still tried to make everything work out for my good.

Last month I realized that the relationship was not healthy and that I need to get back on track with GOD. I went back to the states and just spent time at home. It was perfect......

I was in a place for GOD to really tell me about myself and more importantly for me to listen. I came back to Kuwait a mess. I called my sisters and friends and told them until I was completely broken I could not talk to them or spend any time on social networks. The first night I got back from vacation GOD woke me up out of my sleep to tell me that I put man before HIM. When I looked back I realized that I had...it BROKE my heart that I did that to my FATHER. I immediately repented and cried out to HIM

The next couple of days felt so strange. It was like I was a little kid who had disappointed their parent. I wanted to be under GOD but I was so ashamed (like Adam and Eve) that I was hiding from HIM. One morning I was standing in front of the mirror and GOD said I have forgiven you and no longer remember your sins you need to do the same so you can move on. I talked to one of my girlfriends later that morning and she also said I needed to forgive myself and even led me in prayer to let go of the guilt. I needed to move on.....

I desire more than anything to have an intimate relationship with GOD...HE IS FIRST over all things! I am thankful to HIM for RESTORATION, GRACE and MERCY!

I would like to thank my mom who fasted and prayed for me during this time....YOU ROCK WOMAN OF GOD!

Psalms 23:3

Psalms 119:25-40

Blessings

A'keta Julinate'